lions and lambs

sing

“I got to fulfill one of my fantasies last night“ she said, speaking of a threesome she’d had with a tranny. It’d been something specific she’d always wanted but never done and now she was able to cross it off the list.

I’ve always had an affinity for woman who play the piano or that sing. When I hear a woman sing beautifully, even if I wouldn’t have pegged her as my type, I feel an instant fondness for her. Even if I wasn’t attracted to her at all, a woman who can sing beautifully will make me pause, possibly reconsider.

“I’ve always wanted to go down on a woman while she sings Nina Simone”, I told her.

“Really?!” she said. “That’s very specific!”.

“Yes. “Strange Fruit“, if you’d like to be even more specific. Or “Feeling good”. Either way, I’m a fan of a woman that sings”.

We were in a hotel room, surrounded by people that were all very indulgent about their fantasies, talking candidly about what sets us on fire. A beautiful girl with big eyes smiled at me from behind the counter of the suites kitchenette and a woman with very short hair came out and asked who wanted to shave her head before telling us that she’d already put a chair in the bathtub and had a roll of duct tape for what she had in mind.

Daniel stood in front of the vanity while January shaved the sides of his mohawk and before it was all over I had the clippers; his tall, slim frame bent over in front of me, searching carefully for the places she might have missed, blowing the loose hairs from the back of his neck while lyrics ran through my head.

“…Stars when you shine you know how I feel….”

Oh, the things that happen in the dark

juxtapose

I realized last night that one of my closest friends as of late is a stripper with personal space issues. She’s a tiny girl who gives lap dances and gets uncomfortable when people hug her, which is interesting, since that’s how I greet almost anyone that I know.

I asked her the million dollar question (what gets you off; If you have five minutes to make yourself cum, what is your go-to?) and listened to her confirm what I’d already guessed about her (she’s voyeuristic, likes watching other people be intimate, sometimes in taboo ways). A few nights prior she’d been tempted to offer two guys drinks to watch them grind on one another just a little bit more and confessed to like watching the lingering hugs between one of my guy friends and I.

She is easily unsettled by friends coming to see her strip, but is rumored to be an amazing performer. I’ve never seen her dance but after a particularly good night the other night she gave me permission to come and watch as long as I give her advanced warning (she wants to wear pasties when I come). She told me that it was funny, given what I do, that I’m one of the last people to see her dance. I told her that it’s because of what I do that I’ve respected her privacy, haven’t pushed to see her dance, but that I would like to.

A few nights ago we sat at the bar that we met in watching others play Rockband, giving each other a hard time about nothing important. I was in a chair behind hers and I pulled her into a leaning position, the back of her chair tilted into me. She continued the conversation, her posture slightly rigid at first but as we continued to talk she slowly came to rest, her back against me until I could feel her weight, her heat on my chest. When I let her down, I did so slowly, gently.

This weekend I’ll have a chance to go and see her dance, but i don’t know if I want to (just yet).

Hailey Young

This shot is one of the first I ever took of Hailey Young. I’d only met her just before this day and she came to the shoot with her girlfriend, who laid on the bed nearby as I fastened locks, locked collars, asked her to open wide for the gag.

She’s since become one of my favorite models to work with and a good friend too. I adore her kinkiness, her fun loving attitude, her appreciation for adventure.

all in the name of research

After hearing her unhappiness with a recent kiss, I discussed the idea with a friend about writing an article on kissing. We laughed about what lengths you’d have to go through to get a good idea of what makes a kisser good (or at least appealing to you.) We sort of walked away from the idea mid conversation, but it’s come up again just often enough that I haven’t forgotten about it.

Saturday night I was out with friends and I was thinking of the idea. I brought it up to a girl who I’ve known for a while and her boyfriend (who I’ve become fast friends with), explaining it wasn’t about finding a certain number of people who I wanted an excuse to make out with, but rather finding a good diverse group.

She asked him if it was alright if she kissed me and he sort of hesitated, so I was reluctant. Finally it was agreed upon that we should kiss, but only for a moment, so we did. I’ve kissed her before, so it wasn’t a new experience, but never in a crowded bar with onlookers and certainly under different circumstances.

When we were done, I asked him if he was alright. He’s assured me in his that he was fine, so I explained the criteria better to him, including that at some point I’d have to kiss men for the sake of research as well.

I’d just been saying to someone the other day that I’d never been involved with or even kissed anyone with an accent before, so when I mentioned kissing a man and he said “Shall we get on with it then?” in his charming British accent, I crossed two firsts off the list with a kiss there in the middle of a crowded bar.

I turned and took note of his girlfriend (who hadn’t been asked for permission as he had) staring at us, slack jawed.

“That was incredibly hot” she said and he smiled bashfully.

oh, the wicked hearted

swell and sink

Every once in a while I’ll come across an image from very long ago ; one of the ones that she and I were in together when we first met, were first falling in love. It’s bittersweet seeing these images. I love the fact that people are appreciating them, but they are a reminder of a lost moment for me typically. One of those images came up today for my on Tumblr.com, today: an image of her in bondage, a beautiful, aching expression on her face, my hands on her body. There was a caption added beneath it that said “I will be owned by him” which made my heart swell and sink at the same time, if that makes any sense at all.

rouge

the myth of swans

I was speaking with someone recently about Polyamory; an expert on the matter (literally), as a matter of fact. She asked me what my views were on Polyamory, particularly in relation to what I do for a living. She was surprised by my answer (and I’m sure you will be too), because I told her that in an ideal relationship, I’d have absolutely no desire for it.

I know; that seems like a conflict of interest, right? A pornographer that doesn’t want a polyamorous relationship? How can that be so? I’m sure that this opinion will be unpoular amongst my peers and maybe even some of my fans, but it’s how I feel, who I am.

You might think that this stands as my condemnation for polyamory, but it doesn’t. In fact, quite to the contrary; I think that whatever works for the people involved, whatever they can agree upon is fine. The only commentary I’m providing here is on my own personal hopes for a relationship. I’m even slightly envious (in some ways) of people who can pull off polyamory. I think it would be great to have the sort of exploration opportunities that being in an open relationship provides.

The fact is, most animals are genetically inclined to perpetuate the species and so being with many sexual partners is in our nature. Even the myths of swans mating for life isn’t always true. You and I are made to find as many people as we can whose scent attracts us, who’s flush of colors start our hearts.